WONDERFUL MENTAL HEALTH > Owning Who You Are

Magazine covers. Movie stars. Song lyrics. Everywhere you look in the media, there's someone telling you you need to be thinner/thicker/taller or have bigger breasts or blonder hair, etc. 

Stop the madness!

Yes, it is absolutely fine to look for tips in enhancing your looks (heck, I write about these myself) but it isn't healthy to digest these articles as the answer to self acceptance. No amount of mascara or even the most luxurious Marc Jacobs handbag can make you feel whole. 

At the end of the day when you wash your face, take out your extensions, and swop your designer OOTD with a pajama tee, it's important that you still see yourself as beautiful. Crucial that when you wake up and look in the mirror, you value the person you see in the mirror.

"So what can I do to accept myself as I am?"

Stop pointing out what's wrong (or what you think is wrong) all the time

Instead of comparing yourself to another person's eyes, figure, money, family, etc., realize there is nothing wrong with what you were born with. So what you can't wear a size 2? You still look amazing in a pair of blue jeans! Sure you're single, but that's only because you've decided not to spread your awesomeness with someone else right now. Just because you have a crooked smile doesn't mean it can't light up a room.

Give yourself more credit

Make a list of all the reasons you are so awesome and you'll see there's a lot to be proud of. You finished high school. You're employed in this crazy economy. You can cook a mean chicken alfredo. You're really good at home decor. You have the voice of an angel. You survived dinner with your boss. And if you're feeling really down and just can't seem to think of anything, then remember this historical wonder: You are blessed enough to live in the 20th century. Think long and hard about that one.

Show yourself some love: do something totally selfish and don't apologize

Get a massage. Indulge yourself in a two-day Lord of The Rings marathon without interruption. Have a spa day. Reserve a hotel room for the weekend and build a fort in the bed to catch up on some reading. Whatever you do, make sure that it's all about you and what you enjoy. You don't have to explain yourself to anybody. You deserve this sh*t!

Celebrate your milestones

You got accepted into college. You were offered a new job. You cleaned up your apartment.

Your blog had 50 hits today. You got a promotion. You finally finished the big kitchen project. You paid off a major credit card. It's important to celebrate your successes, even if they seem small. When you celebrate the wins of life, you have a real reason to smile, and when you smile, you're happy. And when you're happy, your brain release endorphins that make you even happier. How cool is that?

You are worthy of love and it's high time you embraced this truth. Some days are overwhelming and we just need to cut ourselves some slack. Give yourself permission to be human and be okay with that.

Not only that, but you never know who's watching. Think about the lessons you're teaching other women/men. Or the young children in your life. Do really want your niece to think her big butt is what makes her special? Or your son that a man is only as good as the suit/gold chains he's wearing? Show them what self-love really means and encourage them to do the same. 

She's more than pretty, she's brilliant.

He's more than athletic, he's special.

And so are you :)

BEAUTIFUL FAMILY > Your Mom Doesn't Like Me!!

You are head over heels in love with the man/woman of your dreams, but your fantasies of a blissful life together is ruined by the nightmare who goes by the dreaded name of "Mama". Maybe she's upset over something you've said or done, or maybe she just hates your guts in general. If you're looking to pick up the broken pieces of your would-be relationship with their mother, these tidbits (as told by disney characters) may just be what you're looking for.


Situation Number One: "You're not good enough for my son/daughter."

You've tried everything you could think of to get into their good graces, but nothing seems to be working. You haven't stepped out of line, they just hate you. Maybe they've even told you that you're just not rich/pretty/handsome/smart/young/old/talented enough. Or just as bad, you'll never be half the man/woman so-and-so was.

There is no way you can make someone like you, but you deserve respect! Try approaching it this way:

"JoAnne (her name here), I love your son/daughter deeply and there is nothing I wouldn't do to ensure Bobby's (your mate's name here) happiness. You raised him/her to be independent, intelligent, and responsible. I know that you want to protect them and only want what's best, and so do I. That's why I'm so blessed that he/she decided I'm what's best for him/her. I respect you, and only ask that you respect Bobby's decision in choosing me. And I promise to do my absolute best to earn your trust."


Situation Number Two: "You hurt them/me in the past."

You lied. You cheated. You keep some deep, dark secret that came to light in the worse way. You insulted her cooking. You made some mistake that she is apparently still holding onto, despite the fact that you have already been forgiven by your mate, so it's time to re-bite the bullet. Which one of these approaches would work for you?

• Accountability: She needs to know exactly why you did what you did. Intent matters to a high degree. Admit your mistake, be accountable for where you faltered, and confess your efforts to correct the problem. This should be wrapped up with a formal apology at the end. And be sincere, dammit.
• Closure: She needs to know what really happened. She could be living with the belief that you did something (or didn't step up) and it couldn't be further from the truth! Sometimes shedding a little light on the situation changes everything.

Situation Number Three: "Mother knows best."

Some mothers go bonkers in a mid-life crisis fashion when their child finds love. They throw fits, critique everything with the toughest scrutiny, or try to overrule any decision you try to make. Deep down, it's not that she's a complete witch. She's not on a mission to ruin your life and doesn't want to see you tar and feathered.

Truth is, she's realizing her child is an adult, and doesn't feel needed anymore. Mothers need to feel needed. They dedicated the last 18 years plus to making sure their child thrived in the world, and now they aren't the center of that child's universe anymore. They feel like you're trying to take their place and are desperately trying to reassert themselves as important in their lives. Here a few ways you can make sure she know she is still a priority.

• make sure you and your mate remembers her birthday/anniversary/special date. This tells her you're thinking about her and that she's loved
• send her thank you cards. Any favors she offers is a gift, and it will melt her heart when she receives that card in the mail
• ask for her advice. Ask her to teach you how to make your mate's favorite childhood meals, what her opinion is about the car you're thinking about purchasing, etc. You don't have to do what she suggests, but the gesture says her opinion matters.
• let her help with the wedding. Invite her to dress fittings, menu tastings, and give her a job with complete autonomy (i.e. reception speech, etc.). something that won't clash with your plans, but that is every bit as important
• invite her shopping. If you need to pick out new furniture, glassware, etc. bring her along. what woman doesn't like to shop? Seriously?!
• visit/go out with her, alone. I know, it may be painful, but go spend some quality time with her, just the two of you. Show her who you are outside of her child, that there's actual depth to your character.

In-laws will forever be important figures in your mate's life, so do your best to make peace with them. It brings peace to your relationship, and makes every encounter much more pleasant. No matter what happens, be strong, be the bigger person and do what's right.

Just be glad she's not your mama!

WONDERFUL WARDROBE> Build The Closet Of Your Dreams

You own every episode of America's Next Top Model ever recorded, your favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada, and you have a three year subscription to Vogue magazine... but your closet sucks.

Just because you eat and breath fashion, doesn't mean you know how to dress yourself or even where to begin when putting together a wardrobe fit for a fashionista. Have no fear, your fairy chic godmother is here! This is a simple guide to putting swagg into your closet right away!

First things first: Out With The Old

The reason you've held onto that tattered old Beetles t-shirt is because you've convinced yourself it's vintage or its supposed to have that "worn out" look. Girl, please! Nothing you own should have holes or tears that weren't there when you bought them. If you can't get it restored to it's original glory (and it looks like it went through a shredder) it's time to get rid of it.

In fact, your homework tonight is to throw away anything that is hopelessly faded, ripped (unless you can repair it neatly), spotted or stained beyond measure, or doesn't fit/used to fit/will never fit. You need clothes that fit in the now (they're the only ones that actually look good on you anyway.) If you're losing weight, buy in spurts every four months.



Next, Collect Classic Pieces

What do you mean you don't own a sheath dress? There are several types of clothing that are staples to a fabulous wardrobe. These are appropriate for a variety of occasions and never go out of style... NEVER.

Staples include, but are not limited to:

Pencil skirts, slacks, blazers, a-line skirt, v-neck tees, pumps, ballet slippers, pea coats, and collared shirts just to name a few.

If all you own are party dresses and t-shirts with pictures on them, then Honey, you have a little ways to go!



Know Your Material: Quality over quantity

Ever wonder why you have to go shopping for summer clothes every single summer, even if you haven't gained or lost any weight? It's because the materials used are too weak to last more than one season. I hate to use the word cheap here, but let's face it: Cheap fabrics are Cheap.

It's easy to tell the difference between quality products and cheap ones. The way it feels (soft good, itchy bad), the way it's stitched (if it's one snag away from falling apart, don't buy it), and the materials used (natural fibers are always best!) Yes, a stylish wardrobe with quality clothing will cost more, but it will also last longer and look better. Trust me on this one. It's worth the extra dollars.


Follow The Three Rules Of Shopping

1. Try EVERYTHING on before you buy it. It can be a pain, but it's better than a no refund policy for a pair of jeans that give you muffin top.

2. No sympathy buys. If you're going to spend your hard earned cash on quality pieces, do not buy it because someone else says it looks good. Only purchase the ones that (A) fit you perfectly or can be tailored as such, and (B) don't resemble something you already own too closely. How many aztec print skirts do you need?

3. Wear heels. Seriously. You need to be able to visualize how that dress or those long pants will really look when you hit the club or attend that wedding.



Care For Your Closet

The way you store your things MATTER. Your closet should be clean and organized. Shoes should be aligned neatly on shelves or racks and the studs on your heels need to be reinforced (a service you can have done at the shoe groomers.) Purses and bags should be stored in their carrying bags or stored neatly on a shelf. Don't hang them, or you will wear out the straps. Folding your things is fine, but dresses should always be hung on sturdy handers, unless it's silk, then use satin hangers.


These four categories should more than get you started on your journey to a fantastic wardrobe. Just remember, it takes a while to complete your closet (6-12 months depending on your budget) so take things one shopping trip at a time.

Stick to the rules and watch your closet transform into fabulousness!

BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE > Show Him You Still Care

We go through these phases in our marriage where everything (and I do mean everything) becomes routine. You days are made of a series of actions, usually wake eat, work, eat, sleep. So it's easy for your partner to feel neglected, even if you haven't had a fight, because the day revolves around a giant to-do list.

When you find yourself in a mundane rut, step out and try these little tips to show him he is still your number one. Yes, you have daily responsibilities, but remember he is a priority over all of those, and they can wait!

LIFE HACKS FOR A HAPPY HUSBAND

• when he comes home from work, help him take his shoes off and offer to make him a sandwich (men LOVE sandwiches)
• make it a point not to interrupt his football/basketball/baseball TV time, and instead give him his favorite snacks and sit on the couch with him quietly, unless you're talking about the game (you don't have to actually watch, but being there with him let's him know you want him to have a good time) he'll be all yours when the game ends
• ask him what he wants for dinner, then make it. if he doesn't know, just make one of his favorites, or take him out to his favorite restaurants
• invest in something he cares about. if he's into fishing, pick up a magazine. if he loves cars, schedule a test drive. if he likes a certain actor, DVR one of their movies and pop some popcorn
• respect his method of unwinding. don't jump on him to take out the trash or pick up the dry cleaning the second he gets home/wakes up. give him at least 15 minutes to relax. its supposed to be home sweet home, remember?
• give naked. seriously, I know you're tired and have been working all day long just like he has, but sex is the number one way to connect with with your husband, especially if he's not expecting it. it will make you both feel good, and unconsciously remind him that you still find him desirable. 
• say thank you. he took out the trash, mowed the lawn, washed the car, cleaned the kitchen... you're probably thinking, he's supposed to do these things (and you're right) but gratitude is a powerful motivator. it says 'hey, I see your effort, I need you, and I appreciate all that you do for us.' soon he'll try to earn more gold stars because, hey, who doesn't like being the hero?

It isn't rocket science, but it works. You might think these tips are obvious, but if that's true, when why haven't you got started, girlfriend? Try one today and see how it changes your marriage for the better. 

IMPECCABLE KNOWLEDGE > College: Finding The Right Fit

Congratulations! If you're reading this post, then you must be one of the many people looking to step out and experience the wonderful world of college. Maybe you just graduated high school, got your GED, or are looking to finally finish those 60 credit hours to complete your degree. Whatever the case, this is the place to weigh in on what's really important when selecting a college.

If you've started your research, your mailbox may already be filled with brochures and post cards from schools trying to win you over. When I was in high school, this made things incredibly difficult because they all promised me similar things: happiness, new friendships, the promise of a better future. Not to mention that I knew this could determine the outcome of the rest of my life.

No pressure, or anything.

My goal is to make things that much easier by giving you the top 4 factors you should examine when making your college pick. It helps to make a chart to categorize your schools and fill in how they measure up in each of these topics. Consider yourself a college student in training. Take notes, by golly!

1. ACADEMICS: THE REASON YOU'RE GOING IN THE FIRST PLACE

Statistics of 2013 say that those who earned a 4-year degree made an average of 98% more per hour than those who never attended.* It's no wonder people are flocking to enroll in programs that promise job security and more opportunities in the workforce.

So, when making the choice of which school to attend, academics should be in the top reasons of why. (Though, I must admit, my degree was psychology and I've gotten job offers just for simply having the degree, not my area of focus. Unless you want to be a doctor, then your major may not carry as much weight.)

You want to look for colleges whose programs rank in your the fields of study you're interested in. They don't have to be number one, but you want them to rank at least somewhere in the top 20 if you know where you want your career to go. If you're looking at a specialty, some unique occupation that's very specific, the top ten ranking is better.

However, most undergrads change their majors as much as they change their underwear, so your school should carry a variety of options, because hey. We all have the right to change our minds. And while you're at it, make sure they have some sort of student development or career center to make the transition from student to the real world a little smoother.

2. COST: MAKE EVERY RED PENNY COUNT

Getting an education is expensive! There's all these figures involved that you may have never heard about, but here are the top three you should look for.

Tuition: How much your classes are going to cost. This could very by course and major. Every class has a credit hour value assigned to it, and each credit is worth a certain amount. EX: School A costs $250 per credit, making a 3 credit English class cost $750. Not only that, but in-state tuition is typically less than out-of-state tuition. So yeah, price matters. Most students start with a 12 credit first semester. This qualifies you as a full time student, and doesn't put too much on your plate before you're ready.

Scholarships Opportunities: If you worked diligently through high school, your GPA may earn you a scholarship, which is a fancy word for free money! Get as many as you can and look for outside sources.

Room & Board: This will only matter if you're living on campus. This is your bread and butter, literally. Trust me when I say, it really matters whether a school offers one meal or two in the cafeteria on Sundays! There's nothing worse than being a broke college student, and the cafe is closed until 7 the next morning. It's also your housing. Living with other people can be  great or a nightmare, but if you live off campus, know that you won't be able to depend on a guaranteed 3 square meals a day. Something to think about.


3. LOCATION: WHERE YOU AT?

Some people can't wait to get as far away from home as humanly possible, but there are a lot of advantages to living close to home. Tuition is typically lower (typically), you're close enough to make it home for Christmas and celebrate all those little life events that mean the world, and laundry is free!

If you are looking to move far away, keep in mind the weather. The city life surrounding the school is almost as important as the school itself. Do you want to be in the middle of a dessert or smack dab in the big city? Can you handle the fierce winters when you're walking through the snow to make it to a 9 o'clock class or would you rather face the heat on your way to chemistry? See what I mean?




4. STUDENT LIFE: THE BEST PART ABOUT COLLEGE

Take it from someone whose been in the extremes of both situations. The first school I attending was amazing. Great programs, even better people, and faculty that really cared about my success. But the city was dry and boring, and there wasn't a lot to look forward to on campus outside of band, sports, greek life (which I wasn't able to infiltrate at the time.) The school I finished at was awesome. Great programs, great people, and friendships I still carry with me. The city revolved around the university so I got a lot off perks including student discounts, and it really gave me a sense of pride being apart of it all.

You'll want to see what student organizations are available, because let's be real. You'll spend a small fraction in your classes, and after all that studying, you'll need something fun to do. My school had hundreds (no exaggeration) of groups to try out and join and even more events to attend. Maybe you're into theatre. Lots of schools host traveling professional groups like broadway musicals and dance troupes. Maybe you're into politics. My school brought huge figures to our campus to talk about matters that, well, mattered to us.

Yes, you go to school to learn, but it's the fun that keeps you sane!

There are loads more reasons that will help you find the perfect fit in a college, but if you don't remember anything I've written, at least do yourself this one thing: VISIT ALL THE COLLEGES YOU'RE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING. Brochures make everything look and sound wonderful, but you'll know what's real when you set foot on campus and meet potential counselors and classmates.

Seize the day, and pick the school that's right for you. At the end of the day, its YOU who has to live with that decision.

*Labor Department statistics by the Economic Policy Institute in Washington