BEAUTIFUL FAMILY > Your Mom Doesn't Like Me!!

You are head over heels in love with the man/woman of your dreams, but your fantasies of a blissful life together is ruined by the nightmare who goes by the dreaded name of "Mama". Maybe she's upset over something you've said or done, or maybe she just hates your guts in general. If you're looking to pick up the broken pieces of your would-be relationship with their mother, these tidbits (as told by disney characters) may just be what you're looking for.


Situation Number One: "You're not good enough for my son/daughter."

You've tried everything you could think of to get into their good graces, but nothing seems to be working. You haven't stepped out of line, they just hate you. Maybe they've even told you that you're just not rich/pretty/handsome/smart/young/old/talented enough. Or just as bad, you'll never be half the man/woman so-and-so was.

There is no way you can make someone like you, but you deserve respect! Try approaching it this way:

"JoAnne (her name here), I love your son/daughter deeply and there is nothing I wouldn't do to ensure Bobby's (your mate's name here) happiness. You raised him/her to be independent, intelligent, and responsible. I know that you want to protect them and only want what's best, and so do I. That's why I'm so blessed that he/she decided I'm what's best for him/her. I respect you, and only ask that you respect Bobby's decision in choosing me. And I promise to do my absolute best to earn your trust."


Situation Number Two: "You hurt them/me in the past."

You lied. You cheated. You keep some deep, dark secret that came to light in the worse way. You insulted her cooking. You made some mistake that she is apparently still holding onto, despite the fact that you have already been forgiven by your mate, so it's time to re-bite the bullet. Which one of these approaches would work for you?

• Accountability: She needs to know exactly why you did what you did. Intent matters to a high degree. Admit your mistake, be accountable for where you faltered, and confess your efforts to correct the problem. This should be wrapped up with a formal apology at the end. And be sincere, dammit.
• Closure: She needs to know what really happened. She could be living with the belief that you did something (or didn't step up) and it couldn't be further from the truth! Sometimes shedding a little light on the situation changes everything.

Situation Number Three: "Mother knows best."

Some mothers go bonkers in a mid-life crisis fashion when their child finds love. They throw fits, critique everything with the toughest scrutiny, or try to overrule any decision you try to make. Deep down, it's not that she's a complete witch. She's not on a mission to ruin your life and doesn't want to see you tar and feathered.

Truth is, she's realizing her child is an adult, and doesn't feel needed anymore. Mothers need to feel needed. They dedicated the last 18 years plus to making sure their child thrived in the world, and now they aren't the center of that child's universe anymore. They feel like you're trying to take their place and are desperately trying to reassert themselves as important in their lives. Here a few ways you can make sure she know she is still a priority.

• make sure you and your mate remembers her birthday/anniversary/special date. This tells her you're thinking about her and that she's loved
• send her thank you cards. Any favors she offers is a gift, and it will melt her heart when she receives that card in the mail
• ask for her advice. Ask her to teach you how to make your mate's favorite childhood meals, what her opinion is about the car you're thinking about purchasing, etc. You don't have to do what she suggests, but the gesture says her opinion matters.
• let her help with the wedding. Invite her to dress fittings, menu tastings, and give her a job with complete autonomy (i.e. reception speech, etc.). something that won't clash with your plans, but that is every bit as important
• invite her shopping. If you need to pick out new furniture, glassware, etc. bring her along. what woman doesn't like to shop? Seriously?!
• visit/go out with her, alone. I know, it may be painful, but go spend some quality time with her, just the two of you. Show her who you are outside of her child, that there's actual depth to your character.

In-laws will forever be important figures in your mate's life, so do your best to make peace with them. It brings peace to your relationship, and makes every encounter much more pleasant. No matter what happens, be strong, be the bigger person and do what's right.

Just be glad she's not your mama!