I'm not naive, it takes all parties involved to make a relationship work and one sided efforts typically don't amount to much. But, if you believe your family is worth fighting for, here are some suggestions I hope will make a real difference.
Decide to Stop Fighting
My sister and I argue a lot. It's stupid really, we can make a big deal over anything and end up fuming and ruining an otherwise pleasant evening. Six months ago, I decided to stop fighting. If there was a problem, I wouldn't be the one doing the bickering. I think a few seconds longer before I respond now, and avoid saying things in offense. I definitely speak my mind, but I try not to say anything that could set her off. I love my sister and I hate arguing in general, and the decision to stop fighting has made our interactions much more enjoyable. We're sisters again.
Reach Out
Call them up and invite them to dinner. Or go see a comedy then go out for ice cream after. You want to create positive space between you so that when you reach out, you both are in a good place. By reaching out, I do not mean start talking about why you hate how they talk to your kids or whatever. Reaching out is a small gesture that opens up room for healing. You say, "Ben, I'm really glad we did this. I love it when we can just have fun together, and I want things to be better between us. Don't you?" You are by no means to start debating about past issues. Don't do anything that could alter the mood from light and happy. Simply have a good time, so the next time you talk/meet, they'll remember the good vibes you shared.
Identify the Problem
What are you fighting about? Why are you angry? When did the madness start? What is it about them, or more importantly, what is it inside of you that's got you all worked up? Some people have been disputing for so long, they don't even remember why it started in the first place. Take time alone to reflect on the source of your emotions. If you can be honest with yourself, you'll find out your true feelings and can work toward articulating them to your brother/sister, slowly and in pieces. Don't overwhelm them by unloading everything at once. You might be surprised at their response.
Seek Counseling
I don't know why getting a professional mediator puts a bad taste in people's mouth because it is one of the most freeing experiences out there. It's the only place you can vent and come completely undone without being attacked. Once your tantrums are over, a counselor will help you discover things about yourself and the situation from a new perspective and ask those hard questions no one is willing to ask. They specialize in behavior and will advise you on how to alter your thinking in ways that help you in your daily life to be happier and relationships healthier. Now, unfortunately, there are some quacks out there so do your research. But the great ones guide you towards progress. Isn't peace in your family worth paying for?
You have to do your part, wholeheartedly. If you want to repair your sisterhood/brotherhood, you must commit to being honest, open, and keeping a positive attitude as much as possible. My experiences have taught me the power of a prayer life. Pray for self control over the words you let come from your mouth, and that your sibling's heart remains tender towards you. Pray for guidance and understanding. God is the only one I know who restores. Walk the walk and never stop trying. You may not be able to go back to the good ole days, but you can bring love back into your relationship with your sister or brother.
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